Keeping Score in Youth Recreational Leagues...

Recently, I received an email from a parent regarding the controversy in keeping score versus not keeping score in youth athletics.


To summarize, several times during the season for our recreational youth soccer team we have been asked to make adjustments--to even the playing level when our team is winning by many goals. The following email from a parent raises some interesting points on this issue:


Kim,

When I saw an assist at the last game I thought it was so awesome. I think I cheered for that girl (can't remember who) more than the one who scored! I am quite pleased with the coaching that the four of you do. (I left this paragraph here because I want readers to see what a wonderful group of parents I'm dealing with. Yes, there are a lot of great sports parents out there. Also, I soooo appreciate the compliment.)

Question...are you saying that the team has been asked to play with one less player for the rest of the season? We already have four sitting out. And, although I know that some girls rather like to sit out, especially on hot days, others probably do not. I understand the girls needing a break, or rest, and the substitutions that take place. I think you have been fair with who you play, when and where. However, I do not feel that it is fair that you have been asked to have one less player on the field during a game. It is not fair because we all paid for our daughters to participate: to learn the sport, how to play, the skills, the rules, sportsmanship and teamwork; to practice; and, to play during game time...not to sit on the side-line. Let the other team(s) play with an extra player.
I thought that Olentangy Youth Athletic Association was about playing the game, participating, and not about keeping score. Obviously, someone has been keeping score. Someone's feelings have been hurt. Why is it so bad that someone's feelings are hurt? Hurt is a part of life and as parents and coaches we can influence our children how to get past the hurt. By asking you to play with one less player, I believe that we (OYAA) are telling the 'hurt person' (for lack of a better person to refer to) and the other team(s) that if things are not going well for them, then they can ask/tell someone else to make a sacrifice so that they can feel better. What is that teaching our children? The easy way out? It is someone else's fault? I can change the rules to please me? I don't have to try harder, practice more, or do my best? I can't win if we play fair so you need to give me...a head start, an extra shot, more time...? And for the child who has to sit out because of the request, what is it saying to her? What is it saying to her team? It is not fair, I should be playing? Why do I have to sit out? What about...? How come they have more players? It must be okay to change rules to games? I am better so I can boss people around? I am inferior so I can tell people what to do? If things don't go my way someone else will have to pay the price? Are we telling them that playing well and scoring goals means nothing? Are we telling them that playing well, scoring goals and winning is not good? Are we conveying that doing a good job can have a negative consequence? Are we telling them that scoring goals is unfortunate??
Do you understand what I am trying to say?
At first, a few years ago, when I became familiar with the 'no keeping score' rule I thought it sounded like a good idea...in that playing was all about the game, participating in the sport. However I have since realized that players, and/or parents, often keep score. We are a competitive nation. The kids usually know if they win or lose and it is supposed to be no big deal either way, right?

Winning or losing is a big deal to some (or you would not have been asked to play with one less player). How are we going to teach our children to face loss, to be a good looser, to be a good winner, to demonstrate good sportsmanship, and so on... when score is not a part of the game?
OYAA sports are team sports, each player counts. Teamwork is essential, and individual effort is encouraged.

I played softball from the age of 9 years until my early 20s. When I was too old to play on the HGSA team any longer, I was asked to coach (as were many of my team mates) the younger girls in the league. So, I took a coaching course during college, and coached one season. Back then we kept score. My team did not win a single game. My girls learned how to handle loss. The other teams were nice and cheered for us for playing a good game. We did likewise. We never came away with long faces. We always played our best as a team and as individuals and we knew that and we celebrated who we were..... Keeping score helped us to realize that a loss does not mean that we were losers. We were winners. (I did not return to coaching the following season because I was working my way through college! I returned to coaching, fastpitch, two years ago.)
Kim, I am sorry; I don't really know why I felt compelled to share this with you. I guess I wanted to give you some background as to why I think that asking you to have a player sit seems to be against what OYAA is all about. Plus, I believe that you care. (I do care, and so do all of our coaches!)
Thanks, I hope that you understand.


These are great points. I encourage all of you to post comments with suggestions on how to responsibly handle these situations.


Kim