Believe it or not my niece and I (Kim) were on hockey skates for the first time earlier today. I've watched a thousand youth hockey games, yet I've never had those darn slippery skates on my own two feet.
Figure skates I can handle. I'm good at using those toe picks to keep me from falling. Hockey skates? There are no toes picks. The blades are smooth from front to back so I was sliding around in all sorts of directions. (Don't worry - my son took a few minutes to show me the ropes before I took my niece out on the ice.)
The next time you yell at your child for falling down during a hockey game, striking out at bat, or kicking a weak soccer pass, give it a try yourself - it's not always so easy. You might even get a good laugh at how untalented you really are. And I'll bet (or hope) you'll lighten up on your child.
During this holiday season, have some fun and try a new sport!
With a car wreck and alleged affairs, Tiger's life has been turned upside down. I'm by no means a psychologist. I will not analyze Tiger's actions. However, a little speculation is fair game.
Tiger is a phenomenal athlete and he's human. His life exists on and off the golf course. He sleeps, he eats, and he brushes his teeth. He makes mistakes.
Just like your child, Tiger lives day-to-day life and makes choices (sometimes with a little help from others). There are many "normal" aspects to Tiger's life other than the perfect pedestal life we've seen for many years.
Too many parents expect perfection from their young athlete. Tiger Woods lived a life that we didn't see in the media. Parents need to realize that the media reports are not always reality. We all have limitations. We all make good and bad choices - it's inevitable.
I'm not saying that Tiger's alleged affairs are acceptable. But I am saying that they were his choices. He made those choices, got caught, and is facing consequences. So be it. They are his problems, not ours.
Your child is your problem. You are raising your child. Don't put your child on a pedestal. Teach your child right from wrong, the importance of going to school, getting good grades, and balancing life with sports.
I've seen parents with out-of-control expectations. You know...those parents who force their children to lift weights, play on multiple teams, and go for extra runs in addition to their team's agenda. And I've observed parents who repeatedly pull their child off to the side (to give advice) after the child strikes out or misses scoring a goal.
Whether your child is a talented athlete or not, don't expect perfection in athletics. Don't make life easy for him because you think he's the next Tiger Woods. Make sure your child does his homework, loads the dishwasher, cleans his room, and attends social events. This is true reality. Don't believe that Tiger didn't do these chores. You probably just weren't aware of it.
I'm disappointed in Tiger as a role model for young athletes. However, in many ways I'm glad that we all finally saw this side of Tiger. We can learn from it.
Perhaps you traveled to a youth soccer tournament or watched your child play in a local hockey game game on Thanksgiving morning. Your sister said that you're obsessed with sports and your mother's angry you didn't come home for the holiday.
Others aside, I hope you found ways to celebrate the holiday with your children and reminded them to be thankful - there is more to life than sports.
My family was in the "watching-a-youth-hockey-game" group. Yes, I admit it. We didn't have a traditional Thanksgiving. So how did we make it a memorable holiday? We approached it as an adventure:
-Drove halfway across the country on Wednesday. Yes, we were in a car instead of an airplane. (Did you know that a fourteen-year-old boy can talk for more than 14 hours and still have a voice?)
-Relaxed most of Thanksgiving day in a hotel suite. That's right - some rare R&R.
-Ate at Lonestar. The coach asked the team to hold off until Friday for a traditional Thanksgiving meal. The kids didn't mind, but they're looking forward to a belated turkey dinner next week.
-Watched a USHL hockey game - Sioux Falls vs. Sioux City (11/26/09). Our son Clark was in the lineup so his brother and sister saw where plays hockey. Here are a few pictures from the game.
Breea, Anna (family friend), and Cameron
Clark is on the left (#6)
Clark
We missed our relatives this year, but this was surely a Thanksgiving adventure we'll never forget. I'm especially thankful for good health, family, jobs, and that our children were together for the holiday. I'm also thankful that Cameron's hockey coach and Breea's swim coach allowed the kids to take a few days off.
Please wish us luck on our loooong drive home. (Does anyone know where I can buy earplugs?)
After recently observing an irate sports parent, I realized how easily a situation could turn from a heated moment to a truly dangerous event. When does a situation warrant calling 911? Retired Police Lieutenant Dave Swordshas agreed to give us some tips and guidelines for handling these out-of-control parents.
Q: When a sports parent is yelling and screaming inappropriately, should other parents step in and try to calm the person?
A: The problem of parents getting too involved in their kid’s sporting events has been an issue as long as organized sports have been around.Most of the time, when it becomes a problem, coaches or other parents can take care of the matter.However, there are those times when things get really out of hand.
I would say that when your reaction moves from one of annoyance to one of fear, it may be time to get out that cell phone.
Q: What are the signs that a parent is over-the-edge and poses a threat to others?
A: Every parent who has had a child in sports can probably recall a time when a parent began to berate the child from the sidelines or took it upon themselves to coach the coach.But if the person begins to make threats or disrupt the game (perhaps by barging onto the field or court), then things have moved to a different level.Often, other parents or coaches will try to intercede and regain control of the situation. But if this fails or results in threats of violence, it's time to call the police.
Q: What are the guidelines for when it's appropriate to call 911?
A: First of all, 911 should be reserved for emergencies or, as in these cases, potential emergencies.I think that as long you feel compelled to call the police in the types of situations we are thinking of today, a call to 911 is absolutely appropriate.Most people don’t have their police department’s non-emergency number committed to memory, and no one at the PD would criticize you for using 911 in this situation.
Q: When in doubt, is it better to call 911 before a situation erupts to a dangerous level?
A: Absolutely. No one wants to have to call the police on another parent, especially someone you may know, but when one thinks of the possibilities for violence, a call to the law can be a prudent move to make.
I would also add that if the problem parent leaves before the police are called but does so in a way that makes you think they could come back looking for trouble, such as an open threat to do just that, or more subtle comments that lead you to believe it may not be over, go ahead and make that call - just let the police know what is going on and ask if they could send a car to drive by on occasion until the game is over.If you get a dispatcher who tries to tell you that is not possible, or refuses to do so, ask to speak to the officer in charge.
In closing, let me repeat what I said in response to the first question.When the situation moves from annoyance to fear, it may be time to call the police.Just use your common sense and realize that while you hate to call the police because of what might happen, that is better than letting it escalate to a level where someone could get hurt.Grandma was right when she told us, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
*Dave generously offered to answer any further questions. Feel free to post in the "Comments." He will check in periodically throughout the month of October.
As I get ready to hit the road for several out-of-state hockey games, I still find the preparation daunting after approximately ten years of traveling for youth sports. Instead of giving you advice, I'll simply share with you my day:
Morning:
Took day off work (because there was too much to get ready for the weekend).
Got kids off to school.
Snuck out for quick breakfast with husband (because we won't have any time together on the weekend).
Printed weekend swimming schedule for husband.
Took care of a few business matters.
Afternoon:
Went to Target for weekend snacks and a few extras (since I haven't been to a store in ages).
Returned library books.
Mailed bills and package at post office.
Deposited money at bank for son (who lives in South Dakota).
Called husband to remind him to buy internet package so we can watch oldest son's game on tv tonight.
Made calls to change plans for trip in two weeks. (Thankful that the grandparents will be available to help us.)
Bought food at grocery store for weekend.
Evening:
Bought cord at Best Buy to connect computer to tv so we could watch son's game via internet. (This was trickier than I anticipated - I bought the wrong cord. After an hour or two of searching, I found a cord which was already attached to our DVD player and worked with my computer too. I'm not technology savvy!)
Quickly ate delicious dinner. (Thank goodness husband is a good cook and doesn't mind helping out in that area once in a while.)
Talked with another parent to confirm carpooling for the weekend.
Printed map for weekend trip.
Packed snacks for weekend.
Packed medications for weekend. (Yes, I have a cough and cold.)
Attempted to sit and watch son's game on tv.
Told son to pack hockey equipment.
Regretted that I didn't squeeze in a workout.
Planned last minute preparations for packing in the morning.
All in all, I'm relieved that I took the day off work. Now, off for the weekend...
A couple of weeks ago, my son, Clark Cristofoli, moved from Ohio to South Dakota. Clark's a junior in high school and will be playing for the Sioux Falls Stampede hockey team in the USHL (United States Hockey League) this season. Upon arriving in Sioux Falls, I realized how daunting the transition to a new team can be. Sure, the move alone was daunting, but the new team was Clark's biggest concern. And I completely forgot to keep these details in mind as we treked across the country.
So...my advice comes in hindsight of my mistakes. Some kids transition easily to a new team and others worry and struggle. You, as the parent, can and should help smooth your child's transition. Here are a few tips:
Talk with the coach before the first practice. If you're aware of your child's fears or anxiety ahead of time, tell the coach so he can help your child with the transition.
Encourage low expectations. Even though your child might be quite skilled at a sport, there's always another athlete who's more skilled.
Encourage preseason physical activity. Your child should run, walk, swim, strength train, or any type of appropriate activity to help him get in shape. This does not have to be organized training - a simple game of ghosts in the graveyard, hide and seek, or tag will do. Any type of exercise helps build and condition muscles. Your child will in turn arrive at the first practice in decent shape and that will likely result in a more confident athlete.
Carpool to the first practice. If there's a player who lives nearby, arrange a carpool. When your child arrives at practice with another team member, she'll take comfort in knowing someone ahead of time.
Throw a preseason party. This can be as simple as a potluck dinner at a park. If you arrange for the team, parents, and coaches to meet in a social setting before the first practice, kids will be more relaxed and they will have the comfort of their parents nearby. The bonus is that you'll get to know the coaches better too!
The good news is that kids are resilient - if you make mistakes, you can always adjust your approach and help your child.
What steps have you taken to help your child's transition to a new team?
A new study confirms benefits to surgically repairing ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) knee injuries within twelve weeks for athletes aged fourteen and under. The study was authored by Theodore Ganley, M.D., director of sports medicine for The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, and colleagues.
The research also revealed that treatments delayed more than twelve weeks had significant risks, including a four-fold increase in irreparable medial meniscus tears, an eleven-fold increase in lateral compartment chondral injuries, a three-fold increase in patellotrochlear injuries, and other issues.
I've spent some time co-writing with Dr. Ganley over the last six months and I'm here to tell you that he's truly a brilliant, top-notch expert in pediatric sports medicine. That said, I can verify that he (and I) strongly encourage injury prevention efforts.
For optimal health, please take steps to help your child prevent injuries--it's in your child's best interest. Knee injuries are serious and can often be prevented. The American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine (AOSSM) is a fantastic online resource. The web site includes sports tips, TEAM exercises, an Athletic Health Handbook, and other information under the "Resources" tab. Check it out and continue to responsibly guide your child athlete.
Sports, sports, and more sports. Finding time for a vacation is almost impossible. You run from one game to the next, a private lesson, a camp, and then a skills clinic. How could you possibly leave town?
Take the time. Make the time. Go on a vacation and have some fun.
I know...Suzie can't miss her gymnastics practice or Joey will get cut from his football team if your family heads out of town. Unfortunately, it's inevitable that one of you or your children will have to miss something.
Do your best to choose a good time and stick to it. Get away and relax. Kids, just like you, need a break once in a while. You know the feeling--*awe*. When you're away, you don't worry about your day-to-day routine. Upon your return, you're refreshed and ready to jump back into your life with renewed energy. Kids feel the same way.
When you're deciding on the best time to get away, be sure to consider the following:
Don't leave at the beginning of the season. Kids are just starting to get in shape. If your child misses the gradual steps towards getting in shape, he risks injury by working out too hard upon his return.
Try not to leave during important tryouts. Tryouts are important for children and coaches. Your child will feel more comfortable and true part of the team if he earns a spot just like everyone else.
Try not to leave for a long period of time during season. You signed your child up for a team and he's committed. If it's possible to wait until the season ends, wait.
Let your child help you choose a time. Your child might resist the idea of leaving town because of love of the game, fear of being punished by a coach upon return, or simply fear of the unknown. By involving her with the decision making, she might feel more comfortable with the ultimate decision.
I've recently noticed a few coaches sitting while coaching youth sports. I completely disagree with this method. Instead of explaining the negatives, I share with you here a few reasons why I encourage coaches to stand:
1) A coach who stands appears enthusiastic. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm. Trust me, it can be catching. Part of being a coach is having enthusiasm for the game.
2) It's easier to motivate players while standing. Have you ever seen a hockey coach (at any level) sit on the bench while coaching? How about an NBA or NFL coach? No way! Sure, your young child is not a pro player, but I certainly hope that if he's part of a team at any age, you would want him to be motivated in some manner.
3) Standing actually helps a coach to "coach" the kids. Yes, I mean "coach" the kids--talk to them, explain what they're doing right or wrong or what they should be doing. This helps kids to learn and improve.
I beg you to encourage your child's coach to stand. Trust me. I strongly believe it's in your child's best interest. If you disagree with this post, please let me know - I'd love to hear from you.
Score a goal and you'll get a reward... I'm certain that most of you have offered a reward to your child or heard another parent offer a reward for scoring goals. In my opinion, this method of motivation can be helpful.
Keep in mind that rewarding a child with expensive gifts or dishing or large amounts of money is certainly not what I'm talking about. What I'm suggesting is just offering a little motivation--sort of like paying a child an allowance for completing chores. For scoring goals, assisting on a goal, or efforts to make good passes, you can offer fun rewards (and not neccessarily monetary) such as the following:
ice cream after the game
pizza celebration
afternoon at the zoo
movie rental
time at the park with dad
Earlier this week, I heard a parent offer her daughter an order of french fries if she worked hard and scored a goal in the soccer game. Well, the player scored two goals so her mom made that a "supersize" order of fries. Simple, yet fun!
Be creative. Look for ways to motivate your child in sports, just like you motivate him to do homework or to participate in other activities. Ultimately, you want a well-rounded child, and if that takes a little motivation with rewards, so be it.
While we're cheering and encouraging our kids to work hard in their sport, we tend to forget about the aches and pains and wear and tear on their young bodies.
I went almost two weeks without any intense exercise. And then I decided the other day to jump into a kick-boxing class. Ouch! I'm paying the price with those ultra-sore muscles. You know--the kind that make you cringe evey time you walk up or down the stairs. Since I've been complaining about it, I began to empathize with my kids and their aches and pains.
Most kids are in school all day, participate in sports practices after school, and sometimes play outside, too. Think of the physical toll on their bodies the next time they're exhausted and complaining of sore muscles. It might be annoying to hear them whine, but if you get out there and workout, you'll get a real good taste of how kids feel.
Keep this in mind the next time your child complains of sore muscles and be sure to have a little compassion!
I said that their team wouldn't win, or even couldn't win. And then...they won! Even if the odds are against a team, any team has the potential to win. Parents, (including me), should remember that.
My son's hockey team played in a regional playoff tournament this weekend. His team is average so I truly didn't think they would qualify for the final round. Of course, they qualified for the final round. That being said, I'm now rooting for his team to win in the final round and hoping they move on to nationals.
The next time that you get frustrated with your child's team, keep in mind that any team has the potential to win. Even teams that have been losing game after game have the ability turn around and surprise you by pulling together, working hard, improving their skills, changing their attitudes, or simply doing whatever it takes to change their luck.
Is there a secret to sport physchology? According to Jim Thompson, founder of The Positive Coaching Alliance, he has found the secret:
"Focus on what you can control and block out the rest."
I found this quote in Thompson's new book, Positive Sports Parenting: How "Second-Goal" Parents Raise Winners in Life Through Sports. He explains that athletes can control some things and not others. In my opinion, Thompson would like sports parents to understand this secret to help guide their children appropriately in sports.
Parents shouldn't yell and scream if their child loses a game. Why not? A child can not control a win or loss. A child can control their effort, their responses, and other factors. My tip for today is to encourage your child athlete to focus on controllable elements.
Is it possible--do some sports parents hate youth sports? Are there really parents out there with no desire to watch a youth baseball, basketball, or soccer game? Ouch!
Yes, it's possible that a parent might not enjoy watching a youth sports game, but I firmly believe that everyone can learn to enjoy watching their own child play a sport. The following tips are ways to help you ignite an interest in a sport:
Watch for improvement. Seeing your daughter swim a lap two seconds faster than her last race can add some excitement to those quick races.
Learn the game. If you learn the rules of a game, you'll have a better understanding and know what to look for when you're watching.
Try the sport. That's right...if you actually get out in the yard and throw the football with ten of the neighborhood kids, you might feel the excitement and understand the thrill of success when you're actually playing the game.
Join in the hype. Many parents get pumped up and excited when watching a youth sports game. Even if you're not thrilled because you don't have the same passion as your child, fake it. Passion can be catchy if you give it a try.
Believe it or not my niece and I (Kim) were on hockey skates for the first time earlier today. I've watched a thousand youth hockey games, yet I've never had those darn slippery skates on my own two feet.
